Tomorrow is the big day in the next phase of my journey. I have experienced all types of emotion - nerves, anxiousness, fears, worry, and saddness. But today, for the first time, I experienced a new feeling. I am excited. I am excited to be finished with this torment and wondering what the next major tragedy will be. I am excited to move on to my new body and not have to worry about my old body attacking me. I am excited to say that chemo is over and now surgery will soon be over too. I am excited to move on with my life and get back to "normal".
I know this is a graphic picture but I need to know that it's okay I am going to be different and feel different and look different. And I want my friends and family to know that I am okay. My little vacation gave me a second-wind and help me put this in perspective. Going back to work helped me put things in perspective. I am needed as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a co-worker, and as a friend. People love me and support me, so the least I can do is go in this with my head held high and fight the best I can. I tolerated chemo pretty damn well and I am determined to do the same with my surgery tomorrow. So, I will allow myself the feelings of fear, worry, saddness, blah, blah, blah. But right now, at this moment, I have an overwhelming desire to go out and kick some ass. And embrace my scar. And know that I am doing everything I can to make this go away and bring my sunshine back again. Sunshine in my life, sunshine in my eyes and sunshine to everyone around me.
So, I embrace the prayers and thoughts that are being sent my way. I thank you so much for them. But I am ready for this and I am going to win. I consider myself a winner of Round One versus chemo (and since I'm also the referee, I may play favorites). So now, I'm going big in Round Two.